Hey. So. Let’s talk curtains.
Specifically, how they somehow cost more than my grocery bill and still manage to look like a wrinkled sheet if you so much as breathe wrong while hanging them.
This all started last October, when the sun hit just right (aka directly in my eyeballs during every single Zoom call), and I realized my “living room vibe” was less cozy and more… exposed. Like, why did I even bother wearing pants?
So began the curtain chaos. It was a journey that included:
Broken rods
Steamer burns
A cat-induced blackout panel collapse
And a slow unraveling of my sanity
Here’s what finally worked—and what definitely didn’t.
Linen Panels (IKEA, aka “I think I can afford this” zone)
These looked like trash when I first hung them. Total crumpled vibe.
BUT after steaming them like I was trying to exorcise a demon, they looked… effortlessly cool?
I paired them with some curtain rings from Target and suddenly felt like someone who eats fruit on purpose.
(They’re still kinda wrinkly. Whatever.)
Double Rod Disaster
Thought I’d be fancy and layer sheer panels with velvet. Vibes: hotel lobby chic.
Reality: The rod collapsed in slow motion while I watched, holding coffee I immediately spilled on my foot.
Eventually replaced it with a more solid one from Home Depot. Held up fine after that. My pride, however, did not.
Green Velvet Curtains (Wayfair, and maybe a little impulsive)
They looked like money. Heavy, dramatic, “I own multiple candles” kind of energy.
BUT: my cat tried to climb one and basically did a Tarzan swing into the bookshelf. So.
Sheers from Target (aka the “maybe I do yoga” look)
Made the room feel light and airy—aka, like I had my life together.
You can see straight through them at night though, which I discovered after walking by in pajamas holding a family-size bag of Cheetos.
Curtain Clips = Sanity Saver
Wrestling fabric onto a rod is basically CrossFit. Just get the clips.
I found mine at Walmart. Clip, hang, done. No screaming.
Patterned Panels (Society6, but make it therapy)
These finally didn’t make my eyes twitch. Even my sister noticed, and she’s legally obligated to roll her eyes at everything I buy.
Quick Interruption:
My dog decided one of the panels was a threat to national security and shredded the bottom couple feet.
Couldn’t find a replacement. So now one window is… asymmetrical.
Just go with it.
Thermal Curtains (Big Lots Special)
Because our house is old and drafty and I got tired of freezing my butt off while watching Bake Off.
Not winning beauty contests, but they do the damn job.
Side note: they smell weird out of the package. Don’t sniff. Just wash.
Gold Curtain Rod from Amazon
Made me feel like someone who might own a charcuterie board.
Swapped out my black rod for this and the room instantly looked warmer. Classier. Slightly less sad.
Floor-to-Ceiling Length (even when you don’t have high ceilings)
If you want your space to feel bigger—just lie.
I got longer panels and hung them way up. Makes the room feel like a castle.
(Note: Husband hit his head on them the first week. Complained. I ignored.)
No-Drill Magnetic Tiebacks (Etsy, bless you)
And they actually hold the curtains back without screws, drama, or fights about anchors.
Also? They look kinda expensive. Win-win.
Some Other Things I Tried That Were Fine or Weirdly Cute
Gingham café curtains — tried ‘em. Looked like a sweet farmhouse. Not for my 90s living room, but A+ energy.
DIY dyed sheers — Made my kitchen blue. Hands too. But fun!
Tassel trim — I loved it. The cat loved it more. Regret.
Beaded curtains — lmao no. Dorm flashback.
Roller blinds under sheer curtains — actually genius. Privacy + light.
Colorblock — looked so good in the photo. Real life? Meh.
Bamboo shades + curtains — yes. Texture heaven.
Hem tape — fixed my too-long curtains. Took barely any time. Magic.
Amazon “linen look” — okay for photos, but wrinkly af.
White blackout curtains — surprisingly elegant. Found mine at Kohl’s. Felt like a steal.
Final Thoughts (Or: Here’s Where I Pretend I Know What I’m Doing)
Look, I’m not an interior designer. I’m just someone who got annoyed by sunlight and spiraled into curtain chaos.
Half of this was trial-and-error. A quarter was luck. The rest was me googling things at 2am while rewatching “New Girl.”
Some curtains still don’t hang quite right. One rod is literally held up by duct tape.
But my living room? Feels done. Cozy. Adult-ish.